Ongoing Process

Uggghhhh, I have gained about six pounds over the last two months.  I feel so blech, so fat, so dissatisfied that when I look in the mirror I am expecting to see the 170ish pound Meem looking back at me.  What I see is the 137 lb me, and it's not so bad, but I feel like crap, no energy, headaches, fatigued.  I start the day out saying I will do better today, and then the 3:00 p.m. munchies hit, then the dread of what I just ate, and then the I will do better tomorrows start, a daily cycle.  My jeans feel a little snug. 

Why is this so hard?  I could blame having kids and their junk food in the house.  I could blame it on moving in with my fiance and having to cook and shop for his tastes too, which don't lean towards the healthy side-at all.  But really, it is all on ME, my body, my choices.

I had an afternoon to myself yesterday.  I planned to go for a run and then come home and make brownies.  I ran 3.5 miles, really hard miles.  I've only been running once or twice a week and my aerobic endurance was feeling the slip yesterday.   I decided those miles were WAY too much work to blow on one little brownie and came home and had an apple instead.  I chose Subway for dinner last night.   Fast food, but a healthier fast food choice.  My fiance asked if I wanted him to bring wings home.  I said no, I just ate dinner.  He said not now, when I come home later tonight.  I said no I need to start eating less crap.   Then I decided to make "the kids" those brownies afterall.   The difficulty of the afternoon long forgotten, I ate one....with a scoop of icecream.  My fiance came home about 9:00 p.m........with a bag of 50 to 60 wings.  I said I'd have one; I ate four.

It's simple.  I just to need to say NO to crap food.  It makes me feel like crap.  It makes my jeans hurt.  Just say no.....yet that bucket of leftover wings in the fridge is calling my name loudly.  It is just FOOD.  Good healthy food tastes good, it makes me feel good, so why do I keep choosing to eat too much unhealthy food?

I will eat LESS junk.
I will eat MORE healthy food.
I will drink MORE water.
I will run MORE often.