I had a good week on paper. I showed a 3 pound loss on Monday for last week. I wasn't hungry this week. I ate under my weekly calorie budget by nearly 900 calories. Some weeks I am ravenous even when I eat every single allotted calorie. This week was not one of those weeks, which is good, but on the other hand my hungry weeks always seem to result in a good loss. I set a goal of running 10 miles this week. I ran those 10 miles, then added 1/4 mile just so I could tell myself I met and exceeded my goal. I am really loving running, but I can't wait to get to the point where I can say "I ran an easy two miles today." Because right now, two miles takes everything I have. I bit the bullet and got my haircut, which I have a strange phobia of. Not really a phobia, but I just hate haircuts, which dates back to the "Dorothy Hamill" cut I got back when I was 8 years old. I had 6 to 8 inches cut off, and it looks super cute. I put in three job applications for positions in my field on Thursday. I had a dream that I ate pie, and brownies, and was just about to eat chocolates, but the guilt hit as I put them in my hand, so I stowed them in my pocket for later. I woke up and felt like a failure for this major binge, then I realized it was just a dream and felt awesome because I indulged in tons of treats, it felt real, and it was calorie free!
So, why am I feeling so shitty this weekend? I swear, I was so crabby that I couldn't stand to be around myself. I cleaned for six hours on Saturday. When I asked my kids to help, I heard nothing but complaints. I finished up, drove to my boyfriend's, where the kids acted like they always do when they are there, which is awful. This lead me to feel like I am sub-human in their eyes, like I deserve no love, no life, like my hours of toting them from friends houses, and sports, and boyscouts mean nothing. I came home and the house was a wreck. My six hours of cleaning had gone to hell in the three hours I was gone. Now I felt like Cinderella. A sub-human, Cinderella, are you sensing some martyrdom? I am, but still I couldn't help myself. Just a bad weekend. I carry stress in my face. Seriously, my face aches from the tight draw of my face. I think I am giving myself premature wrinkles. Are wrinkles still considered premature at the age of 34? I don't know.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
No Excuses
I have been running my ass off, literally I hope, since the race. I haven't gone past 2.25 miles. It seems to be the point of exhaustion for me, but I really want to get up to 3 miles at least one of my runs per week. Yesterday, I took the run outside with my oldest son. It was windy on the back loop and the trail was uneven and had little hills and slopes, but it was fun. It was especially fun outrunning my 12-year-old. He went a good solid mile or so, and I doubled that. My knees are feeling it today, but I will be back out there again tomorrow. My goal is 10 miles this week. No excuses.
Oh, and about running my ass off. I lost three pounds last week! 18 lost, 10 more till goal! Kumbaya!!! Actually though, I think it came straight from my tummy and hips. I feel like I am getting the tiniest bit of a runners butt rather than the oh, so attractive flat and wide look I usually carry back there.
I watched this video the first day I started the C25K program. I can't tell you how many times I thought of it while on the treadmill these past two months. It has given me the inspiration I needed to make it through to the end of many runs. Nike, No Excuses.
Oh, and about running my ass off. I lost three pounds last week! 18 lost, 10 more till goal! Kumbaya!!! Actually though, I think it came straight from my tummy and hips. I feel like I am getting the tiniest bit of a runners butt rather than the oh, so attractive flat and wide look I usually carry back there.
I watched this video the first day I started the C25K program. I can't tell you how many times I thought of it while on the treadmill these past two months. It has given me the inspiration I needed to make it through to the end of many runs. Nike, No Excuses.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I won!
I did it! Start to finish! I trained to run a 5K and I did it! I was so nervous all week long. I had thought about not going, even going so far as to secretely hope I would catch my children's fever, but I remained healthy, and I told myself I couldn't let my friend I was running with down. The reality was that I couldn't let myself down. I woke up on Race Day and I was all in! No doubts, no nervousness, just excited and ready to go! My running friend noticed and commented on how she couldn't believe how calm I was.
"Whether you think you can, or you think you cannot, you are right!" I think that is an old Henry Ford quote. I try to give credit where credit is due, but there are so many versions. This was the quote running through my mind on Race Day. I hate to admit it, but about 1/10 of a mile into the race, I thought, "I can't do this! Am I crazy? I should just turn around and walk back now. There is no way I can make it 3.1 miles." But then I looked up, and I saw all these people, different shapes, sizes, ages, and I felt the energy and the excitement around me and thought, "Wow! I am a part of this!" It was then that I knew I could do this, that I would do this, and I did.
When I turned the corner towards this finish line, with the song "I made it" playing in my ears, I saw my boys holding their "GO MOM!" signs, my boyfriend waving behind them, and my heard my sister cheering for me, I wanted to stop and hug them all, but instead my face broke out into a smile that remained there for the rest of the day. It wasn't until I was ten steps from the finish line that I remembered my friend saying, "When you turn that corner at the end, you have nothing to lose, give it all you have to the finish line." I gave about five fast strides and it was all over. I finished in 34:09. Averaging 11 minutes a mile, 1-minute faster per mile than normal. The farthest I have ever ran in my life. I was finisher number 3,000 and something, but I WON! I won. I did what I set out to do. I ran that race. I accomplished what I thought was nearly impossible for me to accomplish.
I made it to my pre-teens Facebook status; He wished me luck and said he was proud of me. If you have a pre-teen, you know that is huge. My middle son told me over and over again how proud he was of me, that he loved me, that I did great. My boyfriend told me many times that I did good and "looked good doing it." I got a hug from my sister at the finish line. High fives and hugs from my running friend who proudly beat her last year's time by 4 seconds. My dad bragged about me at work. My best friend and brother texted me to wish me luck. Even though I really hadn't let on or let anyone know how important this was to me, everyone seemed to grasp what it meant to me.
I couldn't sleep all night. I finally had that runner's high. At the end of the day, the only thing that hurt was my face from smiling so much. Four days later, whenever I think about it, I still break out in an ear-to-ear grin.
"The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." John Bingham
"Whether you think you can, or you think you cannot, you are right!" I think that is an old Henry Ford quote. I try to give credit where credit is due, but there are so many versions. This was the quote running through my mind on Race Day. I hate to admit it, but about 1/10 of a mile into the race, I thought, "I can't do this! Am I crazy? I should just turn around and walk back now. There is no way I can make it 3.1 miles." But then I looked up, and I saw all these people, different shapes, sizes, ages, and I felt the energy and the excitement around me and thought, "Wow! I am a part of this!" It was then that I knew I could do this, that I would do this, and I did.
When I turned the corner towards this finish line, with the song "I made it" playing in my ears, I saw my boys holding their "GO MOM!" signs, my boyfriend waving behind them, and my heard my sister cheering for me, I wanted to stop and hug them all, but instead my face broke out into a smile that remained there for the rest of the day. It wasn't until I was ten steps from the finish line that I remembered my friend saying, "When you turn that corner at the end, you have nothing to lose, give it all you have to the finish line." I gave about five fast strides and it was all over. I finished in 34:09. Averaging 11 minutes a mile, 1-minute faster per mile than normal. The farthest I have ever ran in my life. I was finisher number 3,000 and something, but I WON! I won. I did what I set out to do. I ran that race. I accomplished what I thought was nearly impossible for me to accomplish.
I made it to my pre-teens Facebook status; He wished me luck and said he was proud of me. If you have a pre-teen, you know that is huge. My middle son told me over and over again how proud he was of me, that he loved me, that I did great. My boyfriend told me many times that I did good and "looked good doing it." I got a hug from my sister at the finish line. High fives and hugs from my running friend who proudly beat her last year's time by 4 seconds. My dad bragged about me at work. My best friend and brother texted me to wish me luck. Even though I really hadn't let on or let anyone know how important this was to me, everyone seemed to grasp what it meant to me.
I couldn't sleep all night. I finally had that runner's high. At the end of the day, the only thing that hurt was my face from smiling so much. Four days later, whenever I think about it, I still break out in an ear-to-ear grin.
"The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." John Bingham
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I Owe It All To Apple....Not The Fruit
Today was week 8, day 3 of the C25K program and that completes my training folks!!! I squeezed 8 weeks into 6.5 so that I would be ready for the race on Sunday. When I started, I really did not believe I would finish the entire program. I am so proud of myself for getting through the training. Now, I just have the race on Sunday, then I will decide where to go from here. I work really well with structure. I owe my success on the C25K to my Ipod. The app gave me the motivation to go on. I like the challenge, the structure, the accomplishment I get with a planned program.
I also use an app called LoseIt on my Ipod. It keeps track of my weight loss goals, calorie intake, etc. I absolutely love it. Without my Ipod, I don't know if I could have stuck with my healthier quest this long. I really do owe attribute all my success to my beloved Ipod. Now.....watch the damn thing will break tomorrow.
On another note, I made the family homemade pizza tonight. A pizza with the works for my parents, a cheese pizza for my kids, and for myself, heaven on a plate. I rolled out 8 ounces of whole wheat crust super thin, baked it for a few, then topped with sauce, 2 ounces fresh mozzarella, 1 ounce goat cheese, 1 T parm cheese, sauteed onions, and mushrooms, then baked it for a few more. It was Oh. My. God. yummy. Seriously delicious. This could be due to the fact that the closest I have came to pizza in the past couple months is an English muffin pizza. I cut the pizza in half and had a decent sized portion of pizza for 410 calories, 12.5 grams of fat, and the best part is, I have more to eat tomorrow! I will admit that I had a hard time not having "just one more slice." I considered eating another piece, but by the grace of WhoKnowsWho, and with no help from Apple, I resisted and packed it up for tomorrow.
I also use an app called LoseIt on my Ipod. It keeps track of my weight loss goals, calorie intake, etc. I absolutely love it. Without my Ipod, I don't know if I could have stuck with my healthier quest this long. I really do owe attribute all my success to my beloved Ipod. Now.....watch the damn thing will break tomorrow.
On another note, I made the family homemade pizza tonight. A pizza with the works for my parents, a cheese pizza for my kids, and for myself, heaven on a plate. I rolled out 8 ounces of whole wheat crust super thin, baked it for a few, then topped with sauce, 2 ounces fresh mozzarella, 1 ounce goat cheese, 1 T parm cheese, sauteed onions, and mushrooms, then baked it for a few more. It was Oh. My. God. yummy. Seriously delicious. This could be due to the fact that the closest I have came to pizza in the past couple months is an English muffin pizza. I cut the pizza in half and had a decent sized portion of pizza for 410 calories, 12.5 grams of fat, and the best part is, I have more to eat tomorrow! I will admit that I had a hard time not having "just one more slice." I considered eating another piece, but by the grace of WhoKnowsWho, and with no help from Apple, I resisted and packed it up for tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Every Once In Awhile.....
It doesn't happen often, but every once in awhile, I tell myself, "You are freaking amazing!" I have been having a really good week on this health journey. On Saturday, I picked up my ugly/beautiful race t-shirt and number, lucky number 3130. Pretty exciting stuff. On Monday, after a weekend away from home and thus the scale, I stepped on the scale to see that I had FINALLY kicked the number 151 to the curb. It was stuck forever! I lost three pounds, which was amazing, bringing me into the next decade of numbers, out of the "overweight" category, and into the "healthy" category. YAY MeeM!!!
Last Friday, I had my first fail of the C25K program. It was week 8, day 1, 28 minutes of straight running. I had ran in the morning after my usual breakfast, but I just didn't have the energy to make it through. After I stopped, I couldn't even recall what the time or distance was when I quit. I felt fuzzy, out of it. I told myself it was okay. Even though I had been eating at the upper range of my calorie budget all week, I felt hungry all week. Seriously hungry, like I would think "I am so hungry I could chew off my own arm. Hmmm, I wonder how many calories that would be? I wonder how much my arm weighs?" I guess you could say deliriously hungry, in fact! I am kidding; Really, I wouldn't eat my own arm.
So, Sunday night was a redo of week 8, day 1. I ran the 28 minutes with three 30 to 60 second breaks along the way. When I began my cool down, I walked for two or three minutes and said what the heck, and decided to kick it back up. I ended up going for a total of three miles, finishing with a time of 37:25. I know it is slow, but I did it! Three whole miles. I was so excited. I thanked God and Taco Bell for the two plain steak soft tacos I had eaten an hour before for getting me through the run. It was the first time that I realized that I can do this!
Today was week 8, day 2. I ran the full 28 minutes, 2.5 miles, without stopping once, another milestone. Victory!
I am doing this. I am freaking amazing!
Last Friday, I had my first fail of the C25K program. It was week 8, day 1, 28 minutes of straight running. I had ran in the morning after my usual breakfast, but I just didn't have the energy to make it through. After I stopped, I couldn't even recall what the time or distance was when I quit. I felt fuzzy, out of it. I told myself it was okay. Even though I had been eating at the upper range of my calorie budget all week, I felt hungry all week. Seriously hungry, like I would think "I am so hungry I could chew off my own arm. Hmmm, I wonder how many calories that would be? I wonder how much my arm weighs?" I guess you could say deliriously hungry, in fact! I am kidding; Really, I wouldn't eat my own arm.
So, Sunday night was a redo of week 8, day 1. I ran the 28 minutes with three 30 to 60 second breaks along the way. When I began my cool down, I walked for two or three minutes and said what the heck, and decided to kick it back up. I ended up going for a total of three miles, finishing with a time of 37:25. I know it is slow, but I did it! Three whole miles. I was so excited. I thanked God and Taco Bell for the two plain steak soft tacos I had eaten an hour before for getting me through the run. It was the first time that I realized that I can do this!
Today was week 8, day 2. I ran the full 28 minutes, 2.5 miles, without stopping once, another milestone. Victory!
I am doing this. I am freaking amazing!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
It Is Official
I registered for the 5K today! It is official. No backing out now. I have my running buddy, and my boyfriend may bring my kids up to watch me race, but a part of me really wants to do this on my own, and another part wants my favorite people there to cheer me on. I can't wait to get my T-shirt! Isn't that what running a 5K is all about? I pushed myself to run a little faster today and ran an 11-minute mile today, and tacked on another 14 minutes for just about 2.25 miles. I am not sure how I will get to 3.1 in just 11 days; I am hoping the adrenaline will give me wings! I signed up! I am doing this! I am feeling both excited and nervous.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Unjust
The scales of justice are being tipped unfairly! Who can I write to that will be able to right this wrong? Please send me the address of the proper congress person to address this matter. A bathroom scale is not a scale of justice you say? I beg to differ! The dictionary defines justice as "the quality of being just, fairness." According to my train of thought, it is unfair to remove the bun from my "hold the mayo" grilled chicken sandwich, unjust to drool over the fried mozzarella sticks in the middle of the table, unjust to eat just 10 fries of my "unending basket" of fries, and unjust doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about standing in Coldstone and watching my boyfriend and sons eat icecream, all without a reward in the end. And okay, I did more than drool over the fried mozzarella, I ate ONE, and yes I had half of my basket of fries, but those calories were accounted for. They fit into my plan. I averaged 1250 daily calories. I drank plenty of water. I ate a balanced diet of protein, carbs, veggies, fruits, and yes had some (counted) dark chocolate too. I ran two miles three days of the week, walked three days of the week. I busted my 151.4 pound ass all week long, and the scale greeted me on my official weekly weigh in day with the numbers of 151.2....and the next day back to 151.4. I demand JUSTICE! I have done the work to tip those scales in my favor, now I want to see it reflected in the numbers. I was out of calories for the day, so I stood in a Coldstone and did not order cake batter icecream. Did you hear me? I skipped Coldstone!!!
I am taking a three morning hiatus from weighing. My scale will not see me until Saturday. Take that Scale! The dieting equivalent of the silent treatment. When I get back, it better be ready to give into my terms because one of us is going to have to give in, and just so you know, it isn't going to be me!
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