Tomorrow Has Finally Come

In my case, it is not a good sign when all is quiet on the homefront, at least diet-wise.  My silence the last three weeks reflects my lack of motivation and my guilt from overeating.  When I find myself grazing, eating an extra night time snack, ordering a pretzel with cheese and a Bosco stick at the self-imposed banned Little League concession stand while telling myself "tomorrow" I will do better, I feel so out of control.  Mentally, I am right back where I was for the last two years, feeling as if I had gained 35 lbs overnight and having lost all self-confidence.

The big "no more crap" moment came after we spent the weekend camping with friends.  To my credit, I did pass up plenty of foods there.  I don't particularly enjoy burgers and detest hotdogs, nor do I like mayo based salads, so it was easy to not partake in too much dinner.  The hobo pie pizza and campfire cherry pie were both a no thank you.  I even passed on the smores.  Actually, now that I think of it, camp food was not a problem at all, but I hadn't had an on plan day in nearly a week before camp.  We picked up a bucket of KFC for lunch on the way home, then 7 o'clock rolled around and the kids were begging for dinner, so I ran to McD.  Well I did not run.  I drove because my butt has been too lazy to run more than once a week for the past three weeks.  I found myself ordering a 6 piece nugget, a hamburger, and a small fry.  I do not like McD (or KFC for that matter), not even a little bit.  Even before I began my healthier lifestyle, I would rarely order something when I take the kids there.  After that rather disgusting meal, I said no more and "tomorrrow" finally came on Monday morning.  I ate well.  I ran.  I drank plenty of water.  On Tuesday I forced myself to face the scale for the first time in over a week.  I had been bouncing between 129 and 132 for the past month.  I mentally prepared myself to see 135, took a deep breath, looked down, and saw 133.  Whew.  Okay.  Not so bad.  I could deal with that.  And two days later I am back at 131, feeling comfortable in my own skin, and in control.

I will break this cycle of losing and gaining the same 35 pounds every two years since I was 16 years old and put myself on a Rice-A-Roni diet.  The panic I feel is a good thing if I use it to grab the rope an reign myself back in.  Tomorrow is today, every single day.