A Major Evolution Is Underway

After much searching, my fiance and I signed a lease on a house last week!  This means that my three boys and I will be moving out of my parents house and into our own home.  Big, big news!  I am excited and yet terrified.  All the what ifs, the unknowns, the scariness of blending two families into one small space.  Between the two of us, we have four boys.  I have so many worries and fears that I am allowing it to overshadow my joy.  I have had so many sleepless nights wondering about big things and little silly things too.  I need to get over it.  I need to relax, bend a little, go with it, and just trust that it will all work out.  My fiance has been amazingly patient with me and my neuroses.  I can hardly stand myself, but somehow he keeps on loving me and tries his best to make me happy.



I went shopping tonight.  I have not stepped foot in the home goods area of a store in years.  In fact, I stopped shopping as a social activity with my mom, sister, and friends completely.  They would inevitably wander into the home area of the store, and it was just too difficult for me to face.  But tonight, I bought things for MY new home.  My favorite thing that I bought was a cute pink and green apron with layers of ruffles, very vintage looking, and I bought matching potholders too!  Very feminine.  Since I am the only girl, in a family of six, that was the only pink frilly thing I allowed myself.  I was ogling the Calvin Klein comforters at Macy's.  They are all very casual, but felt so soft and well....comforting in their casual style and quality.  They were very pricey though, so I searched every store online and in person for something I loved equally.  Then it happened....I was passing a Burlington Coat Factory, I had already been shopping four hours in three inch heals, but decided what the heck, I'll check there, and they had a CK comforter with shams for just $69!!!  The price in store was about $200 on sale, regular $350, so I was thrilled to pieces!  I got a bunch of other stuff too, but I won't bore you with the details.  We'll just say, I am ridiculously happy to have picked out my very own shower curtain and kitchen towels.

I want this.  I want this more than I am afraid of it.  But I am not going to lie, I am scared as hell.  I would guess that is normal, maybe it is healthier than going into it thinking a step-family is gonna be all sugar and roses.  I don't know, but I do want this, more than anything, I want THIS.  I would also like to be able sleep soundly tonight, please and thank you Mr. Sandman.