Inner and Outer Satisfaction

Like I said, my boyfriend wouldn't let me in on where we were going for date night, so I had to come up with a go anywhere outfit.  Really, my "going out" wear is pretty standard no matter where I am going, black pants, some sort of nice top, and heels, so me telling him I had to know where I was going so I could figure out what to wear was just a tactic to pry some information.  I have at least 12 pairs of black pants in several sizes, but none of them fit, so I went with a skirt.  I got dressed, looked in the mirror, and for possibly the first time in my life I thought, "Damn, Meem!!  You are skinny!"  Now, I have been this weight before, and ever so slightly smaller too, but I never thought I looked thin.  It is easy to focus on the flab that is still there, on the thighs, the tummy, the arms,  but on this day, I saw the whole picture, and I liked what I saw for once.  Maybe it is age, acceptance of imperfections.  During the night, I kept catching my reflection in the mirror and seeing my calf and thigh muscles and silently thanked running!

I decided I was putting calorie counting aside for the weekend.  I was still very sensible with portions, and didn't eat everthing in sight, but I chose what I wanted to eat based on what appealed and not on what would be the least amount of calories.  I ordered the coconut fried shrimp with a mango chili sauce served with a coconut almond rice and veggies.  To be honest, I didn't touch the veggies because I wanted to get in as much of the fabulous shrimp and rice as possible.  I ate 7 of the 8 jumbo shrimp, and really wished I could get the last one in, but I was feeling delightfully full, and didn't want to push it to the uncomfortably full mark.

I had a few drinks during the evening, which led me to have some late night munchies, so I split a basket of fries with my boyfriend. We went out for a diner breakfast and ordered the classic two egg, wheat toast, bacon, and hashbrown breakfast, but I left all the eggs, two slices of bacon, and half a slice of toast behind.  I think my body is finally getting it's "I'm full" meter back.  I had given myself license to have a "free" weekend, so at night I figured it might as well include ice cream!  I got a bowlful, topped it with chocolate and caramel, ate four or five bites, and then decided I really didn't want it anymore.  This is pretty revolutionary for me.  To feel full, satisfied, and stop.  It has been awhile. Trying to lose weight, I am almost never what I would call "full", mostly satisfied, often a little nawing of hunger, but rarely full.  As I head towards maintenance, this is good news that I can eat normally and then stop when I am no longer hungry. 

When I told my sister that we are getting married, she said "At least you won't have to go on a wedding diet!"  LOL  True that!