What's My Next Evolution?

Summer officially began at 11:40 a.m. yesterday when the school's let my kids out, another year gone by.  My two youngest kicked it off with a summer party at their friend's house.  The parents let each of their four children invite a handful of friends, had a barbecue, a trampoline, water balloons, and swimming.  When I came to pick them up, there were 20+ kids running and yelling, all their backpacks dumped in the living room, their discarded clothes and shoes scattered around the yard, which has been so trampled from years of four children and all their friends that there is more dirt (now mud from splashing) than grass, dirty, empty serving platters were still on the picnic table, loads of half-empty juice boxes, a plate of fruit was still being picked at by kids with dirty hands, and the living room carpet was full of wet, muddy footprints.  And all I could think was "What a beautiful disaster."  That was us years ago.  Okay, I wasn't so lax about the running in the house with wet dirty feet, but when I was married, in my beautiful house, with money to spare, and a close knit neighborhood, this family was our family.  We had backyard parties, a swimming pool, roasted marshmallows with friends on hot summer nights, lit off fireworks with neighbors, held flag football games in the yard.  We had it all, on the surface.  Until my ex-husband literally put it all on the table and gambled it way.  The lies and betrayal too great for me to live with and I left.  But this, this beautiful disaster, is part of what I lost.  Single motherhood isn't a party.  Most of the time, I try to smile and it helps get me through.  After the party, I juggled two kids with two different baseball games at two different locations with one parent.  Then my oldest started the summer with a sleepover at a friend's house.  I am so grateful that my kids get to experience the joys of summer, but more than a little bit sad that I am not longer THAT mom.

Okay, I can now do 6 push-ups, run 5 miles, and lost 30 pounds.  What's next, Meem?  What's next?  Make yourself happy!