Evening of Indulgence a.k.a. "The Binge"

I had an evening of indulgence last week.  That makes it sound almost elegent, decadent, sexy, but really it was a messy binge.  I couldn't stop thinking of food all day, but especially in the evening.  I went with a sensible evening snack, an apple and a cheese wedge.  That didn't touch my hunger.  It was 8 p.m.  I had 100 calories left.  I mentally searched my pantry and fridge for 100 calorie options.  I had plenty of them.   The only problem was I didn't want any of them.   I told myself to forget it and said "Kitchen Closed."  It didn't work that day.  I was both physically and emotionally hungry.  I intended to eat chips, 2.5 estimated servings of the "reduced guilt" variety.  I was in no state of mind to count out 30 chips, so I half-filled a cereal bowl and called it 2.5 servings.  But the emotional hunger was greater than the physical hunger, and I didn't stop there.  I had a dark chocolate salted candy bar.  Not enough.  I had four GS Thin Mint cookies.  Not enough.  I wanted more.  At that point, I stopped because I realized this hunger could not be satisfied by food.  To my credit, I accounted for it all.  I entered the calories and came in 564 calories over budget.  The "reduced guilt" chips did nothing to lesson my guilt.  Logically, I knew that this minor set back was not even a set back at all.  I ended the week with a small surplus of calories in my budget, just 64, so right on plan.  I don't believe the body counts in exact 24-hour increments, and immediately thinks it is starving if I have a lower calorie day, so as long as I am on plan for the week overall, I am happy.  It was just this feeling of having no control, of trying to fill an emotional void with food that was a little unnerving.

Just when you start to think you know your body, it goes and changes things up.  I am not complaining this time though.  I lost 2 pounds this week, which was surprising because I lost 1.5 last week.  I haven't had two straight weeks of losses in at least two months, but then it wasn't all that surprising because I was having a "hungry week."  The hungry weeks are usually rewarded with a loss; The "easy weeks" are the weeks I stand still.  Those two pounds put me over the 20 pound lost mark!